There are a few different things that happened during the time I was newly separated that caused me to classify myself as temporarily psychotic, one of those being when I figured out "my ex is dating my friend! Here was a woman who I thought was my good girlfriend. We had gotten together a few times and I had told her things -- personal things about my ex and our relationship, why I was getting divorced, etc. Growing up, I was always my friends’ chubby friend. Looking back on it, I think men’s response of just disgust and general annoyance if I ever seemed interested in them has totally influenced the guard I put up as an adult. On more than one occasion, I was told that my friends were hot — without any hint of interest in me. They will support you more than you could have possibly imagined. What are the chances they are going to end up happily ever after? Focus on your kids, your career, and your love life, if you choose. I'm so so sorry." She will still be upset, but at least you're thinking of your friend's feelings. If she goes off on you, at least you can say you handled it the best way you could have. So, let them have their fun and concentrate on making your own life better. I hope you understand that we don't want to hurt you.It was hard and gross and definitely a bit self-involved on my end, but that’s how it felt.
See, about two years ago I was hanging out with a guy who very publicly announced he was in love with another woman (who was everything I wasn’t), right in front of me and people I knew. The moment I started attracting interest from men I couldn’t stop thinking that they’d rather be with someone taller and thinner and totally different from me. I was embarrassed and filled with shame, and felt all those things I felt as a teenager — of not being good enough or attractive enough or enough, and my brain couldn’t stop thinking I wasn’t the only one who believed that either.Obviously, abuse issues are a huge red flag and need to be dealt with directly.Or, sometimes the boyfriend or girlfriend may appear to be overly controlling, demanding, or demeaning.We talked with some friends who have experienced this and shared their insights with us. Is the boyfriend or girlfriend a bad influence on your friend? Do you think your friend’s date is a bad influence?If someone has a different set of values, or lifestyle choices, you may think your friend is doing harm to mind, body, or spirit.